im feeling very very confused right now. i was talking about moving last night with yvonne and asked if she would live with me again if i moved here..and she said yes..like not even thinking about it she said yes..but later on she asked if i was serious about it and i told her that i was thinking about moving but i didnt know where i wanted to go..and she told me that she thought i would would do better moving farther away from mommy and i know that i do but i guess it was juts a surprise that she agreed so readily to living with me again or all the stuff she told me about thinking it would be better for me to be farther away from mommy..it only takes about 5 hours to get to richmond and thats where i would have to move if i wanted to live with yvonne again..but i guess it just kinda threw me because i asked and wasnt sure of the answer and im not disappointed at all with what she told me..but now im just wondering even more about what i want to do..wondering if i would really consider moving up here..becasue i could just as easily get an apartment alone and just be in the area or in va in general..and maybe not richmond specifically..but we are going there today for a little bit and ill see what i think about it..because i dont know..i was so dead set against living in a big city and to me richmond is a big city and it just puts me on edge..but theres a college there and so maybe its not as bad as im thinking it is..and its not like ive ever even been to richmond! so i have no idea what im basing my judgements on at all. maybe its just that i know i grew up in the city and then moved to the middle of no where and i wonder about my ability to just be in the city because of crowds and worrying about getting lost and all of that..and im sure new york is so not the same as richmond and its no where near what wilmington is like or rocky point ..but its just different and maybe thats all i dont like about it .. well change just isnt big on my list right now..and then comes the task of stopping therapy..which is its own set of problems ..starting over..with all of it..still wonder if i moved and stopped therapy would i even go back again..heck would i even be able to go back because im learning that money wise im getting a heck of a good deal with my current therapist and im paying out of pocket because i had forgotten how expensive therapy can be since im not having to pay full price for a session..im not sure at all that i would like billing therapy through insurance because then they would have to be told some of what is wrong or what we talk about and i dont like that at all..but thinking about it now im not sure how well i would do moving to a place where i didnt know anyone at all..i know when i lived in sc that i didnt do anything at all to make friends and yeah my social skills and talking are way not good..and i get scared to easily to even begin to do anything of the sort..but i already know yvonne and im meeting her bf today..my only other real choice would be indiana and thats really far away from mommy..but again still it would be a completely new place..new surroundings..being on my own..and im just doubting my ability to make it i guess..once i move id rather not come back you know..not sure id be able to deal with coming back