and its sunday

well today is the day i go home..and im just wondering about it..i still have a detached feeling about going home. im wondering about how long i can drag out going home. i want to stay here but that will take some time..since i think ive decided im going to try moving here..because i think about it today and it doesnt feel me with fear..its one of those decisions that i freaked out about because i wanted it and didnt want to admit it..and im still a little worried about admitting it .. but being here and hanging out you know around richmond a bit and just seeing that its not a horrible horrible place that i had worked it up to be made me wonder if i would be ok here..i wonder how ill manage ..what ill do..i dont want to be miserable for the rest of my life..well for now id like to not be so suicidal..that would work ..and i figured out that its been a little over two months since i cut..after xmas..but if i count all my time..its been about 5 months with one moment of giving in..but its just different i think knowing that im not thinking about cutting the same way anymore..or any of it really except well all the suicidal stuff..but im guessing it will go away too..with time...and i think that..well im hoping that by the time i find another job and a place to live that ill be ok with leaving my therapist..