i am still feeling really down..and all out of sorts this weekend...all weekend..ive just been struggling ..and it is hard..and frustrating and im just so easily irritated by everything ..still want to cut...
ugh
but anyway thats not what i wanted to write about anyway...what is on my mind is my job..and i know on one hand im slcking off on my jojb horribly..like really badly...note wise..client wise its the same old same old...but with one of my clients at the hospital on friday..i learned that there is a position available ..a counselor/case manager positiion...through the hospital...and dear god it comes with full insurance!!!!!!!! i would be stuck in a 9 to 5 but i could deal with that..i could end up in a field that i really truly do want to work in...i could...and i can apply..well i can ask for more info...i am qualified..i could do the job..i could..but at the same time i am afraid...very very afraid...why would i give up my easy cushy job for the unknown?? how would i give up my clients?? how would i manage with having to be present and accoutable every freaking day??? how in the hell do people do that?? ugh .. im going to email the guy though before i lose my nerve...and at least ask to be pointed in the right direction for the application and everything...and to find out what is required...what is expected...im afraid...so so afraid...but without fear how will i be able to face the unknown and be willing to step outside of my comfort zone..how will i be able to learn and grow and improve...but dear god if i get the job..i dont know how in the hell im going give my two weeks notice...that i am afraid of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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