i am feeling overwhelmed..lost .. i am hurting .. my heart is so very sad right now...and i am struggling to understand and deal with the tradgey that happened in ct..and i dont know what to do with my feelings or how to even talk about them...its all getting stuck in my head and i am afraid..i dont understand..and i want to understand..children dying affects me horribly..and i dont understand what would make a person kill innocent children...i worry about the children who will know that this happened at their school ..i worry about the famillies who have to bury their children, wives, mothers..i cant watch the news ... i can barely deal with fb because of all of the posts about it..and i feel awful because i cant deal with it..im trying...im being very very careful...im trying to be careful...im trying to process and i cant because the hurt runs deeply...i am not ok with children being killed..being hurt.. being forgotten..being unwanted..and it wakes up my own desires and needs and wants and solidfies my fears that the world is a scary scary place...i dont know what to say..i dont know to express what the real issue is...because while yes the act that ended in tradegy yesterday is affecting me..it is..but there is a reason for why it is affecting me so much..and i cant put into words what that is...
maybe it is the lonliness..the need to be comforted and not able to get it...like am almost ready to turn up in church tomorrow..because i dont understand...and
and just like that i know what will make me feel calmer..more settled..what will take my mind off of things..im sorry it has come to this..i am..
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