Wednesday, June 17, 2009

rotten rotten luck

things are just going from bad to worse ..and all of it is nothing i have any control over what so ever...i want to cry..scream..something..i dont know..its all so frustrating and hard

im without a car still and that is not looking like it will be taken care of any time soon..keep paying for the rental and not paying anything else..and so all of my bills are behind..and today mommy lets me know again that its my fault some how that this has taken so long..i wasnt aggressive enough..i didnt call enough..i have just messed everything up havent i :(

mommy is looking at possibly losing the house because of some loan thing not going through..and thats just added stress to all of this..and i dont know how that is going to be resolved at all

the pressure to find a job ..and move ..and all of that is being loaded on me..it would be easier for mommy with me gone ..just i dont know..i have to find a different job..maybe even 2 if i have too just to cover bills..but without a car i cant do anything at all..and i cant go anywhere with the car now because i cant get it refinanced until the other one is closed out..and im told that could be another month or more..and i cant wait that long i cant..and its not like i know anyone willing to put a car in there name for me..thats a huge commitment and just a huge thing to even consider asking someone..not that i would..but things are just really not ok right now with anything and im afraid of what is going to happen

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