note to self...never never never ever try to give dusti a bath again lol..she was not happy at all and i couldnt even get under her neck..so yeah that didnt go very well at all but i lived so i guess it was ok! henry mentioned how pathetic dusti looked last night after her bath cas her fur was all slicked down and she looked about half the size she usually was..and well she just kinda looked like a little drowned and mad and unhappy all at the same time ..so i wont put her through that again..ive learned my lesson i suppose..but still have to do something about the fleas..so im giving it a couple days before i go and get her a new flea collar..that just worked best for her..so ill go back to it..and tonight i will clean my room completely..since it was just to late last night and i was just so tired when i got home..although her fur is awesomely soft right now lol..
dee and harry are out of town until sunday! which means one that im babysitting all weekend! and two, mommy isnt going to be home tonight or tomorrow night! which is even more awesome .. is it bad that it makes me that excited to know she wont be here?! i dont know..im not sure i care ..but it works out extremely well really..ill get extra money and still not be at home..after im done babysitting on sunday if its not to late then ill prolly go up and see nia she is sent me a message yesterday to ask if i wanted to hang out...i told her she had to be really bored to be asking me if i wanted to hang out ..but i know shes kinda just stuck up there..so ill try to go and drop by sometime..
well job stuff is becoming a little interesting..i have an interview next week and then i have to call a lady back about setting up an interview..and i realize that i was applying to the wrong places..which i do feel a little stupid about..i know i have a bsw but my experience has nothing at all to do with working at a dss..and i do kinda want to work in foster care but my experience kinda prevents me from even being considered..if i had done the collaborative i would have been a better candidate for the dss jobs.but i didnt want to..i dont want to work in dss really and so im not sorry about not doing the collaborative while in school...i know it would have made things a little bit easier job wise but the stress would have killed me...so this time around im apply for both actually..and the lower level dss jobs because i kinda have to get into dss if i want to move up and gain some experience in that area..but im also applying for QP jobs where my experience is at..and look i have almost 2 interviews already..i see QP jobs all over the state and i can apply for all of them..not that i would..but the option is there and somehow i just kept missing it big time...theres one up near the outer banks i want to apply for because it would be a lot closer to yvonne without actually being in va..there are some farther away than i like that i want to apply for but that makes me scared a little bit ...its not moving really that scares me..just that moving would mean stopping therapy..because unfortunately a 5 hour drive to come back for therapy isnt an ok thing..im not looking forward to starting that over..so im holding out for a job around here...the farthest away ive applied is fayettville and thats a couple hours away..i have an interview in wilmington which really would be very cool if i was offered that job..but the other interview that i need to set up today would be in jacksonville and thats only 45 mins away..and nia is there for now also..which would be cool and if they moved i would so take there apartment lol..not even kidding..there are a lot of jobs up near Raleigh but thats to busy for me..and other random places that are just to far away to truly consider..the only one really being elizabeth city because its closer to yvonne..i may apply anyway and just see you know..i try to remind myself that linda tells me being offered a job doesnt mean i have to take it...driving 5 hours to interview would kinda blow if i wasnt offered a job though lol..but thats what this is i guess..putting yourself out there( which i truly dont like) and hoping for the best..or hoping for anything..but im sticking to my agreement and doing applications and what not..and trying not to stress to badly over all the other stuff like moving to far away, and stopping therapy, and well interviewing lol..although i dont think it will be as bad as the dss interview where i had 3 ppl staring at me...the QP positions i think will just be one person talking to me and thats not as bad..so thats moving along i guess
umm yesterdays therapy still has me thinking..not sure just yet if its in a good or bad way though..im just somewhere in the middle of it wondering what to really think about it all...i actually went and gave her what i wanted to..i never do that..i always convince myself to wait or its not important or something..and yesterday after rambling on about random things for a bit, i finally got around to giving her what i wrote a few nights ago..and then i gave her an email i got because well i figured maybe she would agree with my view on it..which i should have known wasnt going to happen.but i could hope darnit..but then linda goes and agrees with it all and its like crap there goes my plan to keep ignoring it all..but thinking about it and not being a dork about it i know that i havent been ignoring it at all..just kinda trying not to think about it to much..and hope that it would stop or something..but i dont think thats possible anymore..but i dont like it still..it bothers me and thats what i have to write about for homework..in some way that ive slightly forgotten..ill have to think about it a little more and figure out why its all bothering me so much..and then on friday i have the appt with the pdoc that im hoping wont be changed on me again..
thursday night i get to waste 200 bucks for a stupid 4 hour class that i have no desire at all to take ..but ill be there because if not it will be back to court for me and id rather just lose the $200 now and get it over with so its not hanging over my head anymore..i kept pushing it back and now i have to go pretty much..thursday is my last chance..
you know i was talking to a friend from camp last night..havent talked to her in a really long time and have missed her a lot ..and she has a lot of junk she is dealing with too and we chatted for a long time about what was going on and how things will eventually get better if we wait them out long enough..and its just annoying you know how different the world seems when you are in college..things are just not the same..once you graduate and get out of college things kinda bite royally..and its all a struggle in some way..we talked about the lack of money also which just makes everything worse ..essh
i really really need to stop fighting the need to go and see a reg doc..ive put it off for so long but now the issue im trying to avoid isnt getting any better and im sure its getting a little worse actually..not life threatening or anything but just a huge annoyance..and slightly bothersome..but the issue of paying for it and going and not wanting to be looked at..and it makes me anxious big time even just thinking about it..also stinks that the clinic place i could go to only accepts new clients on weds nights and that would mean not working on a wed..after that its whenever but the first appt has to be a wed and thats a slight problem you know..and im using it as a big big excuse ..and im trying to talk myself out of the excuse because its obviously not hard to call out for my wed person and get a fill in or something..but i hate losing the hours right now ..i dont want to.but i know im supposed to be taking care of myself and going to the doc would be one of those things i should do as needed and not put it off until it gets worse like now...but the excuses just cover up the anxiety and i kinda dont want to go..(do we see a trend here of no doctors) ..hmm i wonder if i consider linda a doctor? i dont think so..well i dont see her as like a medical doctor..im ok with her but not with anyone else..but crap just something else to worry about..it seems ..maybe if i tell the family today that i cant come next week then ill have to go to the doctor..and wont be able to talk myself out of it..i dont know what to do about that one..just yet..gosh its been so long since ive been to the doc..a real one.for like a check up or something..in college i had to go every so often to be patched up a bit from bad cuts and they gave me a tetanus shot once and massive antibiotics a couple times..but gosh i seriously think its been like 7 years or something maybe more...i think the last real time was before i left for college..and maybe not even then..im really not sure..i know when i worked at the camp the first time in 06 i had to get a physical but i think i refused to do it completely cas of the whole undressing thing..was in high school when the cutting started and i think thats about the time i stopped wanting to go to the doctor..something happened but i dont remember what..it may have just been a reaction to the scars..but im not sure
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