nervous..

and now im scared. nervous..i have a job interview today and everything about it is making me nervous. im afraid again that ill mess up or something and when i was talking to t about it yesterday she kinda pointed out that well the worse thing that could happen would be to not be offered the job..and thats not even the end of the world because i have a job and can manage a little bit for now any way. she also mentioned that it would be good practice .. i think she may have lost it lol..but anyhoo trying hard to stay calm and busy until then..i actually came up to my sisters and stayed the night because she is really only like 10 mins away from where ill be interviewing at..vs the hour and some i would have had to drive this morning to come..decided to come last night and just stay with her..less stress you know..and i need all the stress relievers i can get .. but im going..and hoping it will be ok and i wont mess up or anything..can only do my best..and work hard to look at the lady..but its just an interview..not the end of the world..i can do it..
funny though cas i was reading the email the lady sent me the other day..about whether i would be moving or not and one of the kids i babysit was standing next to me talking about something..and so im trying to read the email and all of a sudden i have him yelling in my ear 'nnnnnnnnoooooooo u cant move' lol..i had to tell him to calm down and that i wasnt moving anywhere yet ;) but the good thing that comes out of this..is that if i did get a job here..i could just come and stay at my sisters during the week and go to work..instead of driving the two hours to go home and stuff every day..and go home on the weekends ..just until i found a place to live..the only problem of course being dusti and making sure she was being taken care of while i wasnt there..because my sister refuses to let me bring dusti to her place..so that would be the only draw back for a while .. if it happened that way

but linda is right..i will just go and do my best and it will be ok and it wont kill me ..and ill go home and move on and if something comes of it great and if not its ok..and i still have another interview next week..and there will be other jobs to apply for..so yes it will be ok. i just keep to stay relaxed and calm..and mommy was mad at me last night because i wouldnt tell her in detail what i was planning on wearing for the interview..because i knew already what she would tell me about it and i didnt want to hear it..i dont need the added stress right now..i talked over my options with my sister and thats good enough for me..really it is..for now..eventually i need to find a better shirt and i couldnt find one i liked yesterday when i was shopping around a little bit..but its not the end of the world..i really dont have the money to spend on another shirt anyway and i have stuff to wear you know...but its not long sleeves and so she will be really mad at that because she is dead positive that my lack of being unable to get a job is because of the scars on the lower part of my arm..its only 3 noticeable scars which could have come from anything at all..and if im ok with them showing then a job interview isnt going to change that at all..and its to hot to be in long sleeves anyway..so no i have no real intention of showing her my arms ..and maybe ill keep looking around for another shirt but its not a top priority at all you know..it just made me mad that she started telling me what i needed to wear and what to say before i even managed to tell her anything at all..and so then i just refused to tell her anything...

today is going to be so so very busy..interview an then rushing back to my sisters to get changed..and then rushing back home to go to work..and then going to the driving thing tonight..gosh..im tired just thinking about it all...

still havent caught up on late paperwork .. all the running around has messed up the plans to get that done..crap..but once its late its just late..and so ill try to work on it tonight and stuff..but im not holding my breath because i can do it all over the weekend and catch up..i didnt want to wait that long though you know..its just every night has been something an then working and yeah..most likely just excuses but oh well..ill get it in..just a little later than i planned..

today is thursday..and tomorrow is friday and that means pdoc and id better not think about that at all right now..

its 6:30 in the morning and im about to go and run to the store because my sister doesnt have fingernail polish remover and i dont think having blue fingernail polish on would make a good first impression! :rb

and ill have to think about the doc a bit more..i keep just wanting to put it off and off and off until i forget i even need to go..but ill think about it ok.thanks u guys for the offers :)

and i wont even get on the money issues today..i get paid and all of it is gone ..:( between the rental for another week and the driving thing im in the dead zone for money ..babysitting really is all that is saving me right now..and i think it will be just once to see t next week cas of it... :snoopy but i think she had to move my appt anyway and so that makes it a little bit easier to cancel the friday appt..im just glad i kept money out of the bank for the pdoc and t for tomorrow already..so yeah..just another reminder on why i really do need another job and its just about being able to take care of myself