what am i going to do

somehow i need more money than im making..and now a random credit that i had years ago and never used because mmommy had it is suddenly calling and telling me i need to come up with a lot of money i dont have..and even letting them break it up into monthly payments has me freaked out..because i dont know how im going to get the money at all on top of everything else..and i cant ask mommy for the money because i know she doesnt have it..but im all wiped out completely..and where am i going to find an extra $300 a month..but i dont want this hanging over my head either for another 10 years ..i was under the impression that mommy had taken care of it already but that was wrong..and so now i wonder why my credit sucks and its because i let her talk me into getting all these credit cards and then she uses them.and then the balances are never paid off and so they just keep getting higher and higher and higher and now im looking at a huge balance and no way to pay it ..and no money..and i started thinking..about how ill make the extra money..and you know what has to be stopped for now..and i cant keep therapy anymore..i tried and tried and worked so hard to make sure i had the money to pay for therapy and i cant do it anymore now ..its like everything possible that can be canceled or let go has to be for now anyway ..because im not working enough to cover everything..and i still have the rental..and am waiting out the car stuff..and now i have court costs from today and driving school..and reg bills..and school loans and everything is piling up big time..and im trying and i guess im just not doing a good enough job keeping up with everything..i dont know how im going to manage at all..and its like suddenly things are back to where they were before..last year about this time when i lost a whole bunch of hours all at once..well this time i have the hours mostly but its just not enough..because if i add in all i use in gas and food money..its just too much..and i tried for so long and its all over with now..
and im not sure ill be ok at all..but it doesnt really matter..because somehow i guess ill manage..except managing by myself is not the same as managing with therapy..and since i got razors today..i guess it will just turn into a count down of sorts..see how long i can manage..how long it will take before i just dont care anymore
what else can even happen today?! im at my limit..beyond my limit for what i can safely handle..and now its all overwhelming and stressful and scary..and to make not having therapy in weeks even better..i get to go and see her today after forever and tell her that i cant come anymore..great..just great