pulling apart

why is it so easy to get upset, start freaking out, going overboard with everything when i know that if i could just calm down it wouldnt be so bad..but even just mentioning calm down makes me so very angry..and i end up doing the opposite of calming down..i dont want to be calm..i want to scream and cry and break something..the sound of breaking glass is really appealing right now and its also something i know cant be done..how about i just go to the store and start dumping stuff on the floor just to hear it..i kinda want the little spikey ball thats in my car..that is pretty good with grounding..and im so flighty right now im wondering how i havent managed to jump out of my skin yet...im to cold and shivering but i dont like the feel of having anything on me currently..and well walking around with no clothes on isnt all that interesting..but i think i need to change..and this doesnt make any sense at all..