and so i did something that i truly have not done a long long time. i bought two new bathing suits that i have every intention of wearing...the scary part is that if i wear them without anything over them..then my scars will be there for the world to see ... the thing is i want to have fun and be comfortable and not care you know...none of these people will know me..and they are just scars..that could have come from anything..and i have other sleevless thinggs that i want to take and wear and be comfortable in..but again the fear of showing my arms and legs scare me..what am i thinking??
but i know what ive been thinking..ive been thinking that ive been hiding to long..that i am not accepting myself if i am afraid to be myself and show who i am...i am not my scars and i need to remember that..no one else controls me but me...and i cant control other people or what they say but i can ignore it..and let it go..and t ry not to dwell on it...no im not gonna like start wearing all sleeveless things and walk around in things that do not hide my scars...but slowly i am beginning to wear things that do not completely hide my scars...
hiding them doesnt make them go away...pretending they arent there doesnt make them go away..the fact that i trried on both bathing suits and actually took pictures of myself in them is a hugee huge step...
i am learning incredibly slowly to accept myself ... im not there yet but im better than i was before...a lot better...
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