busy week

well im finally taking time to write ..i have a headache currently and am waiting for the meds to kick in..cas i reallyy do want to go back to sleep...i think today is gonna turn into a bed day..im not sure yet..the weather is pretty gloomy today is its an inside day..

i gave up and turned my cable and internet back on lol...didnt even last 48 hours before i gave in...sad i know..but my world..a large part of it is online..and so yeah..to save my sanity..i turned it back on :)

hmm i am feeling ok..still a bit sad at times but a lot calmer from tuesday..where i came home and slept for about 12 hours because i couldnt deal...ive been really busy with work in addition to my miini breakdown..cas the world or my daily expectations doesnt seem to stop even if i am having a hard time..its rather unfair...but it helped with allowing me to focus on other stuff and get out of my head..and so i had to get up and leave the house on wed...and so my pity party had to stop..and so somehow i have managed to maintain some sort of sanity for the rest of the week..and yesterday i think my mood was pretty darn chipper to do so darn busy..i crammed seeing 4 ppl into about 6 hours...i was speeding a bit yesterday lol..and in my boredom i completely called courtney (my med doc) just to say hi..well i left her a message and she called me back like less than 2 hours later ...i think i surprised the heck out of her when i told her that lol..but we chatted for a little bit and i updated her on some stuff..and told her about my concerns with my t leaving for like 3 weeks..and my med doc said i could schedule to come and talk to her if i needed to while my t was gone..which i am very happy about .. but im hoping it will be calmer weeks..but i dont know..cas not my head is full of trips and things i need to get done and bills and trying to work as much as i can due to leaving for a whole week...essh...its gonna bite..but things are just gonna have to manage somehow..and the other sucky bit is that i do have some car issues going on ..which makes me just want to scream in frustration..now in addition to needing a whole new door and bumper..i need new tires..and the tire thing really shouldnt surprise me ..considering how much i drive..but having it pointed out freaked me out..cas yeah bad tires lead to flat tires and that bothers me a lot..so gotta figure out all of that too...but i can only do one thing at a time...essh

and well i am looking forward to seeing kathy next week...im trying to rein in my thoughts and feelings relating to her..but i cant help it..crap i want to do everything but move in with her ..which is highly embrassing really..i mean im an adult but around her i literally turn into a child and i want her approval and love and care and support..and all of it..i want to sit next to her and get lots of hugs from her and just be with her...embarrassing right >??!  again i am an adult..and my feelings about her get so confusing and sad and hurt and happy and excited all at the same time..but i cant let go of the excitement of seeing her..i really cant..

so thats aboout all thats going on i guess...its now three weeks to my trip...three weeks to freedom for a whole week..complete and utter freedom for one week..

oh i did mention to my director that the coming months are harder for me to deal with...and so she mentioned me making a plan to help get through it...so yeah..but i did mention it...so thats all i could do on that part...hopefully my t will be in town throughout the holidays...gosh i hope so..