more rambles

well today has been difficult in a lot of ways..just couldnt get it together this morning..really couldnt..and it took forever for me to finish my notes that i should have had in on freaking monday..but i just couldnt get it together ..finally got those in..but by the time i left the house i was so upset and angry at everything again..i didnt want to do it..i didnt want to be around anyone at all..and i was just so pissed off about not being able to get my work in on time again...so i ended up going to the office and my supervisor happened to be there..and i got my work stuff printed off and of course i was missing one of my notes..and this would have been the day that i didnt bring my computer with me..so i had to write another stupid note..and finally my supervisor asked me what was wrong and i told her nothing..and she said something had to be going on because i was being much quieter than usual ..cas once im in the office ..i start to just chat and what not ..but today i was pretty much silent..and so she told me that she was about to take a break and that i could come and sit with her for a bit cas thats what i wanted to do anyway..and i considered denying it...but no she was right..i did want to sit with her ..wanted a hug but didnt ask for one..so talked to her a little bit about a bunch of different things..some on forgiveness..both my supervisor and director are pushing for me to trust my therapist and what she is telling me..instead of wanting second and third opinions..they want me talking to her..cas i cant tell them everything and so its hard for them to offer help you know..gosh im trying hard to see their side of things..so we talked a little bit about forgiveness and stuff..and she told me that her time in the office may be stopping really soon and my anxiety started to go up again..and so we had another talk about my supervisors new agency and me working with her there..and well there is still the issue of me continuing to work on my own stuff before ill be able to go with her..so yeah.. left the office in a bit of a better mood..a little bit better..but my supervisor did mention that i didnt seem like myself today..that i was preoccupied ... i told her that i had been feeling really angry and stuff..and yeah.
went to work..and while working got a freakin ticket...oh that pissed me off royally..cas thats an expense that is so stupid and expensive..so that made me feel really awful and annoyed..and i did have a client in my car at the time so it was like ok calm down you know..no freaking out and what not...so took my ticket and moved on..
ended up going to the hair store with my client and decided on a new hair style...again one of those spur of the moment decisions..and it turned out really good..and i do like it a lot.. it turned out really nice..and its longer than the last time and its just brown with highlights..nothing colorful this time..and its just kinda cool .. did make me smile quite a bit this afternoon...and i got to see my adorable little 4 yr old.and got to hold him a little bit.
and then came home..am home now..and feeling a little bit better than this morning..tired and will most likely go to sleep soon..so yeah that was today..