im sinking ..again..its a very very bad space..cant seem to escape from any of it any more..all it takes now is one thing..almost anything..but the thought spiral is going strong right now..and im right back into blaming myself for everything that has happened and nothing is really helping..im just stuck and feeling soirry for myself big time right now..the sad feelings are so strong and overwhelming and i just want to lay down and shut out everything again..one semi good day and it cant even last a full 24 hours..and already it feels like i am just right back to where i was the other days this week..im really surprised that i am not feeling suicidal at all..i really am..i dont even want to cut..i am like completely getting sucked into the sad thoughts though and i really am struggling again..and it makes me so tired and worn out..cas its all repetitive and i have no idea how to get it to stop..i didnt realize how much the meds stopped all the repetitive stuff..i had forgotten all about that and now the meds are not there any more and its all coming back.and i cant deal with it...its like it was before i started the meds..when it was so easy for me to just feel so badly so fast and easy and my options were getting so so slim and not all that great...it really wasnt ok then and its not ok now..i know i said that i was fine without the lexapro..and ill manage..but its not going to be easy at all..the effexor alone isnt enough..and the chance that i wont be able to stay on that is pretty slim too..and it all just kinda sucks and is hard..but i know it will be a while before its all fixed and i have to deal with that ..i really do..and its i dont know..im trying to write..i am .. i keep writing and its always the same stuff..it is always the same thoughts..and i cant get rid of them..i cant escape them..im a depressing mess and if i could manage to escape myself i would...
but yvonne is back for some reason and its pissing me off and so i need to go and lay down or something i else..
2 comments:
isnt yvonnes stuff all gone???? if so y is she back???
sorry to hear about the sadness...none of it is ever your fault..you did nothing wrong...you did nothing to bring it all on..so try to remember that...blessings hon
no she hasnt actually moved yet.. she was packing at one point that has stopped to for now...shes just been staying with her bf cas he had some stuff going on..and she came last night and just like showered and left again..and it made me so so so mad..and i really dont have anything to say to her..its like im not important..im not anything..-sigh-
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