just disappointed with myself

i am very disappointed with myself..fairly ashamed too..i went to the doctor yesterday for a tb test and was told that my blood pressure is really high..scary high..it was 160/100..the doctor freaked me out and started talking about strokes and all that .. and told me i needed to start checking it more often..i was on blood pressure meds in high school..dont remember why i stopped taking them but i did after a while...and never really thought about it again you know..lately though ..well not even lately.like within the past couple years ive gained a lot of weight..and i havent been paying attention much to what i eat or anything..and i havent cared and all that..and i know im not doing anything at all to take care of myself and be healthy and all that..and its coming back to bite me in the butt big time...im scared and freaked ..and feel like im just going to drop dead at any minute thanks to the rediculous doctors yesterday..and its just embarrassing to be told that well im not taking care of what i need to be ..and well i wasnt there for my bp so they just gave me a little print out thing and let me go..but i know i need to make some changes..and i am..i refuse to have to go on bp meds right now..if diet and exercise dont do it then i will..but i mean it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out that i need to lose weight and eat healthier and all that..but its scary and overwhleming a little bit too...i know changes dont happen over night and that its so hard and i have to take it a day at a time..i need to use up the food i have now and then go from there...i spent a bit of time yesterday just kinda researching and looking up stuff..and theres something called the dash diet that i want to look into..its made specifically for helping to lower blood pressure..when i get back on my feet im joining a gym and going to start working out at home now though..i mean i have an elipitcal that i never use and its just collecting dust downstairs...the sad part is that i know all of this stuff..i have been obsessive about dieting and counting calories before..i have exercised and ate healthy and all of that..and its like i just ignore it when i want too..i need to go back to keeping a food journal and knowing what im eating if i want to make changes..i just have to put the effort into it..and know and understand that its important...i know stress and meds and all that also could be playing a part in it..but im sorry 160/100 is just high i dont care what anyone says and im the one that has to work to get it down...i told nia about it yesterday and she was supportive..you know..told me i needed to start taking care of myself and all that...i told mommy and she flipped out and started demanding that i go right back to the doctor and get meds and all that...i told her that it would be more helpful if she stopped trying to tell me what to do..she didn't..and she keeps bringing it up..but i told her...i mean really this isnt about her..its me and what im going to do..her giving me directions and telling me what to do isnt helpful..its just overwhelming..im not a child i dont need to be told what to do..but anyway..i have a lot to work on..a lot of changes to make...and taking care of myself means no more cutting ...