Wednesday, July 14, 2010

not good

my head hurts..my eyes hurt..ive cried so much the past couple weeks that i dont think i have any more tears left. was very zoned out this evening after getting the letter about the unemployment..all the worries i ihad been trying to hold off came crashing down..tomorrow is like the day of choices i guess..because it will be whether or not i can get all the meds..and will have to go from there..and if i cant .. then ill just have to deal with stopping some and keeping others...i cant keep crying over all of this..but im at a loss..already im trying to figure out how to make what money i have left last..i have dusti and bounce to think about..i have so much on my mind..

ive cut again..and its like going back to the beginning..back to trying to stop when all i want is the emptiness from cutting..i just want to lay down and stop thinking..i am suicidal but i wont act on those thoughts..i have to show up to work on monday..cant have anyone thinking im not okay.

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