disappointment...

disappointment is the word of the day.

im not feeling well and just want to shut out the world completely. maybe its just everything thats going on is making me not feel well and as a result i just want to shut out the world.

there was a meeting today at one of my jobs..pretty saying they needed to get back on track or the money to keep everyone employed will not be there..and in a couple months i may lose my job..well one of them..and its all just wearing on me...so stressed out about money and because of all of this the pay periods have changed ..and now i wont be getting paid until sept with both jobs and it makes me want to cry..cas im trying to very hard to keep it together and to get going but more and more stuff just keeps happening..and its wearing me out..

pretty much ran out of gas today..that was just great..had to cash in what change i had just to get gas to make it home.. :unsure: all of this is just ..i dont know..all of it is depressing and hard and makes me just want to do bad things to make it all go away..but im not..i napped today when things got to be to overwhelming i guess..and i was tired..so napping was good i think..but now im up and i have to go and meet a client in a bit..and im just stressing..with everything..things were supposed to be getting better..not worse..

i get so tired of trying to keep going and all of that..because now i have to look at the possibility that in two months ill be looking for another job..thankfully i have two now but that could change..and it is just frustrating..and disappointing..

i have an appt at the social services place..about the food stamps and what not..i got that letter yesterday..and that is slightly frustrating to because of course the appt is right in the middle of my staff meetings..and i dont want to reschedule because it could be forever before i get another appt..and i want to keep it so that i can just get it over with..but im afraid at the same time..im just running out of positive thoughts..and im not hoping for anything anymore ..because everything is turning into a huge let down..