im just tired of all of this

the more i try..the more i fail..

i had to call the unemployment place today..and got told that i wont be cleared to even receive unemployment until i have my hearing..ok fine..my hearing is aug 13th..i dont have enough money in the bank to live on and i dont know what to do..im freaking out..and i call mommy and tell her and she just says not to worry..how am i not supposed to worry?!?! i may end up not being able to even fill my other prescription..and will have to wait on it..if i cant i cant..but just worked so hard last week to be able to get the prescription and now im right back to not being able to afford it..if i had gotten the unemployment it would have been ok and i could have managed..but now im just at my wits end trying to deal with all of this..every time things just start to feel better a little bit something else happens that sends me back into being so very not ok..i dont know what to do..and i know i will have to just manage because i really have no choice..but theres no money for anything at all..and even starting work week after next wont help because it will be into august before i even get my first check from there..and its all just so hard to deal with..so there will be no library..and no grocery store..no anything really because i cant afford to spend the money...and no driving because i need to save the gas and make it last as long as possible..geez i may as well just exile myself to the middle of no where because thats what it feels like im ending up doing already.. :(

yvonnes boyfriends grandmother died yesterday..and she called and told me that she wouldnt be spending the night at the apartment anymore...not that she has been here anyway...so i am alone..and i just h a ve to suck it up and deal with it..but i just keep falling apart..