upsetting day

i needed my paycheck today..i needed that money and i already knew what i had to do wtih it..and i check my account this morning and nothing...i was floored and then i freaked big time..i couldnt stop pacing..i couldnt stop my thoughts from going all over the place..i was upset and worried and couldnt figure out why my check wasnt in the bank like usual...called the office twice and no one picked up so i just freaked out even more..decided i needed to do something and well that turned into cutting before i made myself go shower for a long time..cutting helped more than i like admitting anymore and it sucks because just when i was thinking i wouldnt have to do it anymore and then today comes along and it all went to hell..hid in the shower for a while because jim was here and i couldnt just pace and pace around like i usually do when im starting to stress out..so all day ive been just worried and stressing because after i finally got in touch with someone at work she saidi she would call back and i tried not to be a hassle and keep calling..and it was killing me to wait..3 hours later im told half the checks werent written ??! how in the hell can you forget to write half the checks!! i dont know who else didnt have one but i know i was told half were missing..and now they are being overnighted..and its just a pain ..i feel better i know what happened at least..not the why because i had already come up with a few whys for why i didnt have a paycheck and none of them were good at all..but things are just kinda shot for the rest of the weekend..