i have been having trouble coming up with words for what is going through my head all the time..i keep thinking about all this stuff and it doesnt go anywhere...i cant figure out what i want to say about any of it...i keep trying and just end up looking at the page for a long time until i just give up..although with all the blocks on the comps at work now its not even any fun being online anymore..i cant get into the sites i like and the ones i can get into just arent the same..for heavens sake gmail chat is blocked..not that i used it much but i would have liked to consider using it! blah..kinda realize all this unimportant stuff once i cant use it anymore ...and then having the comps at work made the week go by faster because then i could waste time in the cabin when the kids werent there..and now cant even do that anymore...
but it is now thanksgiving break and its been a busy few days..hard because the kids were excited about going home and hard because we constantly had to remind them to behave and not be jerks for a couple of them..and this morning i had a weird motherly kick because i was doing airport runs and i swear i drove jim up the wall with my forever asking for something to do because i was bored out of my mind lol..but i was an escort for one of them and then having 6 kids at the airport at six in the morning takes a lot out of a person..but it was as if all these kids were mine and i had to make sure they stayed safe and got what they needed and got on the planes safely..saying bye was hard too..but i know ill be seeing them in a few days and im not sure if that makes it better lol..but it was hard and it was unexpected too...last night was a pain because of course they are all excited about going home and one had trouble sleeping..well instead of just laying there quietly he had to instigate another of the boys and they were just back and forth all night until i finally got up and moved on into the common room next to the girls cabin..and he went right to sleep..which makes me know for certain that it was the other kid who just had to keep bothering him and making him get more and more agitated and then i had to be up at 4:30 in the morning for his flight and oh i wanted to just yell at him for being such a jerk when he didnt need to be...jim talked to him though because i wasnt in the boys cabin this morning and its like dude you have once again messed up and lost all trust..ugh sometimes i really just wish they would think through what is going to happen when they do some of these things..not to mention i go to work on saturday and we have the most idiotic schedule ever..and with strict instructions for what we can and cant do of course and its like well clean this, this and this and then go to the parade and to art galleries in asheville and then make bread bowls..well in all of those plans for the schedule they seemed to have forgotten time frames that it takes to cook a meal and then got 16 kids fed and clean up the kitchen..not to mention how long it takes to clean the cabins and deep clean the kitchen and all this extra stuff and its like oh and make sure you go to the parade at 2 and you cant be late..i looked at it and all the stuff and wanted to laugh at it because it was so unbelievable..the kids in my group had just gotten back from the 10 trip and they didnt want to go and there we are telling them oh you have no choice in it.it says we are going and so we are going too bad..i didnt want to go but we had to go and we did..we didnt make it back until after 6 and then had to fix dinner ..its so stupid that jon does things like this and then makes it so we cant change it or do things on a different day..and the Christmas parade could have been a lot of fun but we had no idea what kind of parade it was even going to be! all it said was theres a parade and you are going and thats it...we could have done a float or dressed up or let the kids walk in the parade for some reason but no we just show up and its like oooohhh its a Christmas parade..well duh how come we couldnt be in it..at least that might have given the kids something to work on and do themselves but no it wasnt like that and it sucks because it could have been so good...but we stuck to the stupid schedule and made them to everything on the schedule ... the subs for the other group were a lot of fun though because it was baxter and quinn and i had really been missing quinn a lot..so it was cool having her around again and talking about nothing and laughing and goofing off..and baxter of course is great and ill never forget i saw parts of him ill never forget lol...staff party of 07 was memorable to say the least :)..but anywhoo seeing them was fun and i had no second thoughts about taking what baxter gave me..it was some form of codine i think ..he had just had his wisdom teeth out and so he was taking some strong drugs and it was like oh i want one and he was nice enough to give me one...hmmm one of the things i thought about while at work these past few days..its like all the little things jim and i do dont get noticed at all..no i dont have to make sure the dishrags are washed and bleached without being asked too..i dont have to clean up the laundry room or do all of my groups laundry..i dont have to help out with the other group or cook meals during the week but i do and i dont complain and that doesnt come up at all..all that comes up is what im accused of doing and its like why do i even bother doing some of the things i do...i dont do it for the office..i do it because thats the right thing to do..its the correct thing to do..we cant clean the kitchen if we dont have clean rags..we cant do a lot of things and it is me and jim who are making the kids clean and do laundry and not letting them slack off..we are the ones unclogging all the stupid toilets and making sure the cabins are cleaned and the other side of the shift does nothing..the kids tell us that we are the ones who get things done around camp but no one else seems to see that at all..i dont get it at all...it makes me sad i mean no i dont do it for the recognition or the thanks but a thank you every so often would be nice ..and there was a conversation going on last night about how we arent doing this for the money and thats all fine and good but im not able to live making what im making now and the stress is driving me up a wall ..now if im to stressed out about money to work what good am i?? so no i dont stay for the money but making more money would make life easier..my kids are now asking if im coming back and i keep telling them i dont know..i feel guilty for saying im not coming back but im not and im not sure where the guilt is coming from...so for now i dont really talk about it with anyone except jim and mommy and erika and i told yvonne and nia and henry and janet...so i guess thats all the basics..and the message boards i hang out on..but thats all...none of the office ppl know and for now i guess it is just having to stay like that.. hmm guess thats all for work issues
im at home and not packing of course..to busy watching the charlie brown thanksgiving specials that are on :)..i need to pack and get dusti ready..i need to clean up a bit and go to bed at a reasonable hour so i can wake up early and drive home...not thrilled about going but no use arguing an unwinnable battle..so home i can and ill come back on saturday at some point..and then back to work and then ill be working again on sunday for when kids come back...
No comments:
Post a Comment