I think i forget sometimes about my past, it gets wiped away..for a little while i have a clean slate..nothing sad..nothing harmful or hurtful happened..i had a great life, got to do so many things..and then there are the days when i know that just the wording of what i just wrote doesnt make any of it true...all i have to do is change a couple things and my life becomes what it actually was..sad, depression, hurtful, shameful, i have been lied to my entire life..and because of one lie i will never be able to find out if my real parents even wanted me, i will never find out if they even know that nicole died years ago..my family left me and i was placed with a family that didnt/doesnt want me...that is my life..alot of tears and anger that i forced out of my mind..the yelling, hitting, threats and torment i try to forget..but today i talked about some of it and it is now on my mind..im feeling nervous and a bit paranoid .. i thought i was coming to terms with my past..but no i dont think i have...because juts talking about it almost had me crying like i had lost my mind...and i have to remind myself that its not ok to cry...its not ok to hurt..that i deserved it.that it was my fault..that i am bad and selfish and completely alone..
more another time
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