ugh plz kill me now

i swear the influx of hormones is driving me bonkers tonight... one show and suddenly my thoughts are going in a million different ways..and so not acceptably in like normal conversations...crap crap crap double crap..needs and desires are in my mind and its not ok at all...not getting 'those' needs met..although lately more and more often the desire to have those needs met and that is a scary scary thing..wanting to be touched and held and loved...ugh..i would rather not feel anything at all..but instead i fight with my mind about what it is that i want..and wondering how to get my needs met in an appropriate way...a non slutty way..but my nervousness stops me..from acting on my desires..blah blah blah