yesterday was a really depressing day....just out of no where started to struggle with all the church stuff again..and i really think that it is the lack of physical contact that is causing the mini break downs..becuase it was over one specific person that i was so upset about yesterday,,and crying and feeling completely worthlelss...and so that kinda made me feel unsafe i think..maybe vulnerable is the better word becuase i most defeintly came home with the intent of justs hiding in bed..because the world was hurting me to much and i couldnt deal..i dont want to be bothered at all right now..and kinda just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing...im still feelign a bit down but its not as bad as yesterday..i didnt hurt myself..i talked to an online friend instead..and it helped a bit .and i read a whole book...and the it was finally time to take meds for bed..major headache though..and i think my head is still bothering me abit..but it is saturday and i just feel the need to stay contained and what not..
it just hurts,that not goign to church cut me off from the few people i was getting used to..and one person who i was actually doing stuff with is no longer talking to me i guess..and so yes i am feeling really hurt about it...
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