so ive decided to go to the support group meetings on wed nights...something to do..something to get me out of the house..etc..and i think i do know/have been around the people who are leading the group...so yeah will see how it goes..
sometimes i get so annoyed reading stuff online..and i realise that sometimes i truly am the only person keeping me stuck...its me..not anyone else..i wont do something..i dont think i can do something..i avoid or hide or pretend because im afraid...but anyway you look at it this mess is all me..no one else can get the blame for it..and yes i know there are some things influencing it..sometimes its people...sometimes its the past..sometimes its just my thinking is so irrational and confused..that i mix myself up..essh... but then i get annoyed at other people who i feel are not doing all they could be doing ..and its like well crap..you know the saying ..what you dont like about someone else..is what you really dont like about yourself? well if i needed a bigger message...here it is...i am my own worst enemy..im the one that stops me from doing stuff...i have lots of excuses for why this happens...but i guess being aware of it..and now attempting it..is a step in the right direction...
and completely random and odd..but i could swear i had a dream that beyonce was dead..and i saw a picture of her this morning on some news website..and it blew my mind!!! i was like wtf...she is supposed to be dead..what happened?? yeah ok my head got away from me a little bit for a few lol..im not crazy..i promise...haha
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