how open are you ?

ok after i write this i will completely do my work..essh...talk about getting distracted..


ok in the whole realm of mental illness and just mental health in general..really how open am i about it?  ok and i write that and realize what a ridiculous question that is.  becuase im not open at all about it.  and the only reason the few people who do know anything at all is because they are other professionals in the field..with the expection of maybe a handful of friends i guess who know..but like in general i still hide the fact that i do have issues..because i dont want to be judged or called crazy or be looked at differently...and i think the last one is the most important..i dont want to be seen as being less than whatever because i have to take medicine or because im in therapy or any of that...i work with ppl who have mental issues and health issues..and i never ever use their issues against them or judge them..but like in my personal life i would just rather be seen as being like everyone else..and not different...but i cant truly hide the differentness can i?  the scars dont go away..and my nervousness around new ppl .. or my silence in just about any situation...can be fairly obvious at times...i dont know..like on facebook and stuff im very careful about what i share..what i write...im not all out depressing and suicidal on my facebook page..that would not be smart..and i guess there is a level of unfairness on that..like why do i have to be the one to hide?  why do i have to be careful of everyone elses feelings and not my own..if i want to say im having a bad day then who should care except for me?? but i also know that some things get back to mommy and that makes me really upset...i dont need my business to be told to her and yes i know who does it..and that doesnt make it any better at all..its actually very frustrating and annoying...its my stuff and if i wanted to tell her i would..blah..whatever..i mean ive gotten a bit better about posting stuff that i want to post..but still i sensor a lot of things...i sensor what i say verbally..i sensor what i write on facebook..but i dont really sensor what i write here..because well no one knows who i am on this..hmm ok maybe a few people but they already know anyway so its ok..this is mine and im not forcing anyone to read it..ok im getting slightly irked about the whole thing..becuase its really not fair is it...i should be able to say what i want to without being afraid or worrying about what others are thinking..hmm that hasnt happened just yet...