another day...not so bad..

all things considered i think today was a good day..i mean feeling wise we are ok..saw t this afternoon and worked this morning and this afternoon..so maybe im feeling a bit accomplished with things...showed t some of the recent collages and gave her a bunch of stuff that had been written the past week or so .. so yeah will see how that goes..i am getting the feeling though that t is beginning to give up on me...i dont know..just she is asking more often lately..well mentioning that i am not working hard enough..and that things havent changed for me in the past 2 plus years ive seen her..so i just dont know about all of that..but i guess i cant do anything but see what happens..im trying not to stress out about it...

got in trouble about something with mommy..that i had lied about..oh well on that on..i am sorry i did it..and well she let me know what she thought about it..and in all honesty what i did was sorta bad..but oh well..ill live..she will live..and yeah..maybe now she will stop talking to me completely?! who knows..

i talked to my director yesterday a little..not about anything in depth..and i asked for a hug..and she said no..well the first time i asked she said no and then said that she was going to be aloof like i am when im at church..talk about shocked! but well when it comes to us and hugs and lately..yeah there was no deterring us at all..waited a couple hours..and went and asked her again..and she STILL said no..well she said she would give me a hug on sunday when she saw me at church why me?!?! like really why me...i cant win with this whole hug thing..good grief..and im just not so sure about telling my director that i NEED a hug from her...i tell my supervisor..but well yeah..not gonna go there with my director..eventhough the smaller kids want to..essh..i tried everything to change her mind..and still she said nope..she did tell me that there were two other ppl in the office that i could ask for hugs from..one a guy (absolutely NOT) and the other was the other supervisor who i am ok with but dont see her on a 'its ok to get a hug from her' basis..so nope..no hugs..and im pretty sure i may die between well yesterday and sunday without a hug...yep im gonna die..

but i did see my little 3 yr old today that i want to keep..and he smiled so so big when he saw me came right over and started talking to me. he is so adorable. he tells me he loves me. and i tell him i love him. his mom is a yeller ..so i go out of my way to talk to him and let him ask me millions of questions..all he wants is attention you know..so when im with him i try to let him talk and express what ever it is that he needs to express at the time..i do love that little kid. he is actually the little kid that had the seizure last year and i was there and umm helped and stuff..

oh and im sorta considering this retreat thing at my directors church...well its a women's retreat and its just for a weekend..so it could be doable..its interesting you know..im all about retreats if it means no work..but it would be expensiver if i went by myself..but at the same time im so not sure about rooming with my director or any of her family..that would be so weird..so yeah..still considering it..i think its in june..hmm maybe its in may..one of those months...

hmm do i have anything else to talk about ??? not sure .. i think ive just been a bit off since the darn time change..dont know why its affecting me so very much..but yeah..i just cant get a handle yet on the time being different and it getting so late but i feel like its early..and then in the morning i just want to sleep and not get up..yuck