just a ramble ...

things are majorly stressful right now..everything seems to be happening at once..everything always seems to happen at once i guess..but its just my sisters wedding is next week and i still dont have a dress..yea i stopped caring when i was told i couldnt have the one i wanted..and now i still dont have one because my aunt who was going to make it decided she couldnt and so my mom had to ask someone else to make it and now its like its to late and it will be really rushed and its all one big hassle and im sick of being measured for the stupid dress..i dont even really want to be in the wedding anymore..i want it to go nice and be fun and a happy time for my sister but i just wish i wasnt going to be in the actual wedding..and then i feel guilty because i should want to be in the wedding ...im just ready for it to be over and done with.. still nothing coming through on the job stuff and i feel like a failure..mommy tells me im not trying hard enough and that i need to be more aggressive...but duh im not aggressive obviously and i wanted to ask her who taught me how to be quiet and keep my mouth shut..but that would have been making trouble and id rather not even go there with her..i wanted to take a break though because its just stressing me out and making me really anxious all of it..and i know if i keep it up ill just feel worse and worse..and i tried to tell her i was just going to stop looking for a couple weeks and she just decided i was giving up or something sad.gif i dont know..

just not feeling good over all..everything is getting to me and its all overwhelming..