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and therapy was hard..but i think i talked more today than i have in any other session so far..and given the topic..i was just yelling for me to be quiet..but whats new..but we talked about moving and stuff and my t was nice enough to remind me that just moving away isnt going to magically make things better..and i let her know that moving an hour away was pretty much doing nothing..but still away is away..if it becomes a possibilty..and there is something really bothering me about therapy today..because we talked about cutting and consequently burning and i let her know how i did it and everything..and i was telling her all this stuff and i was trying to guage her reaction at the same time..and she wasnt mad at me...disappointed..yea..sad or even worried..yea..but she wasnt mad..and it wasnt until after i left that i figured out that somehow i really expected her to be mad..really really mad you know..and it makes no sense at all..because i know..ive already asked her..and she let me know that its not about her being mad..but still that was one of the underlying reasons for telling her..i wanted to shock her..i wanted her to be upset and mad at me for being stupid..or for doing bad stuff.. and it completely throws me that it didnt happen the way i expected it too..idont know..its so confusing though..because its like i keep going against what i already know..i have to question it..i have to somehow make it not ok ..and im also guessing this is one of those things i would prolly have to let her know