Monday, July 21, 2008

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maybe the whole problem is that it makes me mad that she says she cares now..and wants to help and wants me to tell her stuff and why should i? why should i tell her anything when i know she will turn around and get pissed off at me and start using what i say against me..she didnt care before..what makes now so different? i dont want it now..its to late.. a few days of saying you care doesnt just change the way things were growing up..i was positive she went out of her way to hurt me..to make me cry or make me scared..she knew what she was doing..iit isnt like it just happened once..or twice..or ten times..no..how many mornings did i leave for school in tears because id been yelled at so much..how many nights did i wish i had the courage to kill myself because that was the ultimate way out..and i knew that would be the only way to be left alone..how many times did i have to swear at myself to make sure i didnt cry when my feelings got hurt..i was positive that she got up in the morning and thought of ways to make me cry just because she could..its to late now..i dont want her concern ..i dont believe it..

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