lots of thoughts

you know its kinda funny..that today i can look back on the interview..what i can remember about it anyway..and pick out the parts where i could have added more details and things..the more nitpicky end of things..and overall i still think i did pretty good for this to have been my first interview at a dss..and they asked the awful where do you see yourself in five years question! ...it was the first time i havve done an interview with three people asking me questions..and when i answered some it was like i could see them nodding when i gave a good answer pretty much and it was funny ..because it was like i said what they wanted to hear on some things..the more school related stuff and stuff about my job..darnit forgot where i was going with this...hmm oh..now that all the anixety is gone from worrying about being questioned..i dont think i would feel as horrible as i thought if i didnt get the job..if i lived through one interview i can do another one..yea it would suck..but wont be the end of the world..and they told me it would be a couple weeks at least before i heard anything..and that if i didnt hear anything by the middle of july that i wasnt going to be offered a job..but ill keep looking..just in case..because right now im not working enough to keep up with bills at all..and its pretty much sucking on that end of things..i asked for more hours yesterday though and kinda told one of my supervisors that i was just keeping an eye out for a new job..soo guess thats all..not sure if that made any sense at all ..but i guess overall it is a sense of accomplishment..i now know the world will not end if i mess up a little in an interview or forget to say something..maynot get the job but doesnt mean i cant apply for another one..and i want to go on record as actually writing that.incase in a week i go and say it all sucks or something..

but with everything else..i dont know..feel kind of out of it today..this week work wise has been pretty sad..ive worked what 2 and a half days..and i only say half because the baby that i work with is only for an hour...but my other person has seriously had his hours cut..and it sucks..so its like every week im losing hours..ugh..so it really doesnt feel like im working much at all..and now riley and harris are getting ready to go out of town for camp for like 3 weeks or something and i wont be getting that extra money eitherr...so yea..cutting it close for the next month or so i guess..until i find another job..

and i cant say im struggling with the cutting or not cutting or whatever...i did try the distracting thing..tried not to stop it all..and i woke up this morning..and now of it mattered..because somewhere in the last 12 or so hours i decided i wanted to and nothing was going to stop me..it was just a matter of how long i wanted to wait it out...and im not even doing it because im upset or anything..sad yea but when am i not sad these days? so its not really about it either..it because right this minute i feel dead..and i dont like that feeling..i dont like when my head feels all foggy and slow..i keep zoning out ..getting distracted by little stuff and then forgetting what im doing..funny how that happens and all iwas doing was looking at graphics..there was a little smiley face graphic that kept turning into a knot..and i watched it for a while before i realized i was supposed to be doing something else..that shouldnt distract me and it did..and prolly would have for a lot longer if i hadnt been writing something..mmm dont know..