mad

feeling awfully scrambled right now...just not ok at all but trying to be ok because theres no other choice..im so so upset and everything that can go wrong with my car is going wrong and it makes me mad because its like my car is falling apart and its only been mine for a year and a half now..my drove it for almost 4 years before i got it back..and its a long long story for how that actually worked out..but now its like all this stuff is going wrong with it and i cant afford to get it fixed and my mom is constantly asking about my stupid irs money again because i got the stupid letter in the mail finally and now that she knows im getting it..she has to bring up everything shes done and tell me all this stuff i need to help pay for that i never wanted in the first place and she wants to know how much she can have..and this is after she said she didn't want any of it..she told me that she only asked because she knew i needed the extra money..and now i just feel stupid for even believing her ...i should have known better and that as soon as things changed she would change it all and start telling me that i had to help..and that what i was planning on using the extra money for is just not going to work out...which is don't think is fair at all.but it seems that what i think doesn't matter in the slightest..and i really don't know why i bother at all..because somehow no matter what i say makes me the wrong one..and no matter what it is i want to do i cant..im the one spending to much money and that i should have made enough to pay my bills..and its like nothing i do is right and she makes it sound like i just go and blow all the money i have on absolutely nothing..like im that stupid..or i have no idea how to manage my money better than that! give me a break..it makes me so so mad..well im mad all the time lately it seems...and this morning i was just pissed off because one my tire was flat ..but i went and had it looked at and was told it looked ok..so i just put air in it and then was on my way..but i figure it will have to be changed soon if its starting to lose air..but also for the money issues and then nia demands i take her to work..she was the one sick..and if she is sick and not feeling good then stay home from work..and dont demand and get a freaking attitude when she has to depend on someone else to even take her in late..just because im at home doesnt mean a thing to anyone else..me being at home is an invitation it seems for everyone to ask me to do stuff or to let someone borrow my car to do something they want to do..and if i say no then everyone is all pissed off at me..if its my car and im the one paying for it shouldnt i be able to say what i want to do with it? and right now no i dont have the money to waste gas to drive an hour to take her to work and then go back home..i wasnt going to do it without gas money and she she pissed me off anyway..i took my time with getting ready to leave...because one she never asked..and i dont like it being demanded that i just do something because im right there and no one seems to think i have anything else to do..what gives her the right to get pissed off at me when im doing her a favor?? if i didnt take her then she wouldnt have gotten to work at all..and i dont feel bad at all making her give me gas money to take her because she didnt give me enough to even make it worth taking her..not when gas is back up to $4 dollars..and not when i wasnt expecting to be driving anywhere else today..no im not sorry in the least...and the whole thing still makes me feel so mad..i couldnt finish anthing i needed to do at home because of running her to work and once i left i wasnt going to be coming back because that would be a waste of gas if i just had to turn around and go babysit tonight..its all so stupid

i hate my life..