hmm

kinda miserable how fast the depression thing can creep up on me..kinda annoying..but just been kinda down the past couple days and i dont really know why..kinda feeling left out and invisible at home..and spending my time alone in a house full of ppl..how does that work?! worried and stressing about finding a job because there are a million things to be paid and it all keeps piling up because well gee i cant pay anything ugh...just barely managed to make enough to cover my insurance with last weekends babysitting..and thats with spending almost nothing for anything else..and then all these other things just keep coming up and i want to scream from the stress of it all..if i could have anything in the world and not have to worry about giving it back then all i ask for is a couple thousand dollars to pay bills with..not even play with and ive had to really really restrain myself from buying new books..and lately thats all i want and all i do..i go away and read..what i think about 5 or so books since christmas!! that would be a ton of reading for anyone else but its just not enough..i cant figure out any other way to go away so reading it is..hmm went to the employment place and didnt like it at all...i just got the feeling that they didnt care a bit and they saw to many ppl and had to much stress...whatever the reason was i just didnt feel comfortable there..waited for almost an hour to be called back for about 10 mins and i was done! it was so annoying..ugh..i have no desire to go back there at all..id rather read every newspaper and look online to find a job...and actually i do have an interview on thursday that im a bit nervous about..im trying to keep my options open but this particular place doesnt start training again until feb! a whole month away almost and thats implying that i get the job..still holding out for the first one ..but i know ill have to start putting in more applications..so im checking the newspaper again today when mommy gets home just to see if there is anything else i could apply for..i dont know..im going crazy stuck at home and every day mommy is asking if i heard anything or if i have any money and all this stuff that i dont have answers for..its like a neverending supply of stress and worry and anxiety right now :(