another day

writing is a funny funny thing..sometimes its like i can write for forever and not care because well its not like i have a million ppl reading this but at the same time i wonder who would want to read it..i used to play with the idea of giving my teachers the link so they would know while i was still in school and it only took a few mintues to realize that would be a bad idea..more so since they already knew some tuff and that stupid little promise to tell if i wasnt safe..well gee if i wanted to tell i wouldnt have been in all that trouble in the first place! duh .. but at the same time they know i write a lot because i dont talk and ive had to do school journals and stuff and just rambled on and on and on lol..but other than that i can think of a few ppl i would invite to read it but that would be a really really incredibly big step up from my usual im fine leave me alone game..dont know..maybe ill ask one of my teachers but i think i better wait until when everim sitting in her office again..might be a little bit easier that way and i could pull it up and take the address off so she cant really get back to it..but there are ways to get around doing that and i know a million ways to pull up my blog without even using the actual address but im hoping that she doesnt know to many of them lol...but still zoned out a bit and ended up looking back over some of my old posts..and now i remember why it is i dont do that..its like pick any month..any year..any freaking post and its all the same thing..my questioning a million and one ways to die ok maybe not flat out but geez if nothing else im incredibly consistent) hmm kinda depressing in its own way but whatever..i wont be doing that again anytime soon

hmm woke up feeling a bit sickish incredibly early..so im hoping ill crash after the library..and im nervous about going by myself because im still a little unsure of the way..but i hope it will be ok..and then cleaning and then maybe babysitting..dont know yet about the last one..but im sure either riley or harris will call looking for me after school today..random thought...wonder if the rubberband on the wrist really works..ugh ive forgotten all the stuff i was told over the years in wonderful therapy and i still hate i have to consider going back..ok geez my head is all over the place right now..like its really funny how many things a person can think about at once and still manage to have a half way decent convo or write or whatever..gosh im thinking a million different things and i think when i happens i dont write anything concrete..more like i start going back and forth between a bunch of different stuff and ramble about nothing..ok i think i may need to take that trip up to greenville next week or the week after or sometime in the next couple weeks..i really really do and if nothing else i can crash my teachers offices and go to there classes and all the stuff i never wanted to do when i was actually a student lol..and it doesnt matter because im not being graded :) ok ive offically lost my mind it seems..so yea getting out for a while is a good thing!

and so i thought about it..and its not really a thing of trust its more of a thing of can anyone else handle reading it..i dont even like reading it..