trying

im trying i am ...trying to stay calm..trying to figure everything out..trying to do something..anything along the lines of what im supposed to do...and yet all i seem to be doing is wasting time and throwing my little tantrum without uttering a measly word..i always forget how strong my little ultra tiny rebellious streak can be when its something i really really dont want to do..and now its picking its time to be shown...all of it is overwhelming in the worst way and im stuck because i dont know what to do and cant seem to make myself even start again...i keep telling myself only a little more time online..a little more time doing other things but that time grows and grows and the whole day is gone and i dont know why i havent done anything..maybe i should make a list..maybe i should just make something.and even thinking it makes me want to cry and scream...oh i dont know whats gotten into me this time..