freaking out some

for some reason tonight im just freaking out..its been forever since ive been in this house all alone and its making me paranoid big time...its so quiet with just me and i think its just worse because this stupid house is so big..even dusti is being good and quiet tonight..why tonight?! ugh..i feel like im waiting for the boogeyman to jump out from underneath the bed or something..i want to sleep but im just a tad bit to worked up to relax right now ..and i know henry isnt coming back tonight and im not sure when wayne is coming back and i havent seen all week becuase she is with her bf..and so im just alone and having mommy call 5 times a day to make sure im ok hasnt helped at all..why wouldnt i be ok and what exactly does she think im doing or planning on doing ?? i dont go anywhere and i dont do anything but after talking to her i wonder if im supposed to be out robbing banks or something..i know this stupid house like the back of my hand and yet tonight im almost scared out of my mind for no real reason..if i wasnt so nervous i would be laughing at myself right now..its almost pathetically childish..this is what i get for reading so much of that book..now im agitated and thinking of a million things and wishing i wasnt feeling so alone right now...that and today as i was by myself earlier i was thinking about how to meet ppl and i seriously lack in the making friends department and i say now i want to meet ppl but ill change my mind and not go out with anyone or talk to anyone and ill still be by myself..guess a bit jealous that nia has been spending all this time with her bf and im stuck at home..i spend a lot of time being jealous..yea im awfully pathetic