its really hard to believe christmas is next week!! its been a cold and rainy day here and ive been out running around all day long with henry and wayne...after taking nia to work and then mommy had me go and get some stuff for her and help henry get a new phone and everything and it was just abig hassle and today i just wasnt feeling to good at all and didnt want to go anywhere and ended up staying out all morning and then some because we had to go and pick up nia from work early because she wa sick and passed out...and by the early afternoon i was just starting to get really annoyed and didnt want to be out anymore and just kinda stopped being as talkative and thats saying a lot since i dont really talk anyway...but made it back home..i had to go to the store and pick up some stuff for me and that was ok..
i asked for a new camera for christmas and then my usual books and movies ..i was in walmart today and saw a paint set that i really wanted since all of my paint is now packed away in storage and i cant get to it..ill have to see who i can talk into getting it for me or give up some money and help them get it for me..who knows...and im going to pick out my own camera tomorrow..we are going shopping tomorrow and im hoping i feel better..and then i had forgotten that mommy was going out of town on the 28th i think and that will be a few days of peace and quiet..except i am like the other mom around here and i try hard not to be but i dont do so good at stopping itand it just kinda comes out..i hate that..i dont want to be the parent and yet that seems to be my role..im the one running around making sure everyone is doing and getting what they need to get done done..and it doesnt matter if i want to do it or not because someone has to be in charge i suppose and it just falls on me..why do i have to be so responsible without being responsible?? i dont want it at all! ugh and now i cant seem to get rid of it..they were calling me mommy earlier and it just kinda sucked...really not in the best of moods right now and feeling completely gross and stupid for ending up binging and then not purging at all..feel way to full right now and the whole no privacy thing really sucks..guess the bad part is i would purge given the chance and not think twice about it..maybe feeling so tired right now is making me feel even more not good..im getting tired of all the running around and doing everything and i know i said i wasnt going to be complaining but today was a bit much..henry and wayne have just been really loud today and it puts me on edge and not being able to really get away and have time alone is making it harder to deal with things..next week i have got to get away and do something for myself or i will go insane..i cant get any peace and quiet here..everyone is to loud and then all the yelling and arguing from mommy doesnt help
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