i guess this will have to count for my official rant about being at home and ill have to try hard not to write about the same things again and again...

first off i made it home safe and sound more or less on saturday...didnt leave until 10 and then got really tired after about a n hour and had to stop..but still made it home safely...and as soon as i got home i had enough time to just dump everything and then had to babysit..i was ready to drop at about 11 that night and i was still with the kids...and then had to sleep on the counch at home because mommy had tons of stuff pulled out in my room and all over the bed and i had no where to sleep that night..sunday headed back to worok early because riley called and told me i had to come and babysit him and spent most of yesterday with him and we had fun..im not complaining about that but its just trying doing all this stuff in a couple days..got home last night and of course im told by mommy not to watch tv or anything because i had to work on getting my room in order..she seems to have forgotten that i just moved all my stuff back and im not allowed to be tired for some reason so i stayed up last night and got stuff in a sort of order for now..but its hard getting everything condensed back into one room and then not having a real closet really just makes it that much harder...

when i got home on friday it was fun seeing henry and nia and wayne of course because its been a while since all four of us have been at home all at the same time...but still it is crowded to because its the four of us upstairs with one bathroom..but also we are just back and forth into all the rooms up here... suddenly there is no privacy once again...i dont even have door knobs on my rooms door for some reason...it kinda sucks that i had to give up my orginal room to nia and now im back and its like ok you have to be in the other room..and now that im home and the only other one with a car i am now the taxi person..i had to take nia to work this morning and mommy is just assuming ill do it because im here...she yelled at me last night about taking her and its like you didnt even ask me you told me im taking hr and she didnt even wake up on time this morning !! i woke her up and it was like how is it that i come home and suddenly no one can do anything for themselves anymore? mommy is yelling and arguing about everything..i was told 5 times i had to clean the kitchen this morning like i could forget in an hour..i have to get nia from work this evening and then run errands all over town for everyone else...this was the main reason i didnt want my license when i was at home before ..i refused to be the one running errands and having to do everything..and now im stuck doing it..and i just know it will become my responsibilty to make sure nia is getting to work in the morrning and everything now..she is over 21 and doesnt have her license..and now more than ever before it pisses me off..

when i first got home on saturday when mommy saw me the first thing she commented on was my weight and that i gained again instead of losing...and thats all she wants to comment on ..and then has to tell everyone else that ive gained weight..there was no need for her to bring up my weight as soon as i walked in the kitchen this morning to her friend who was over here...score one for my confidence...god its not fair that that is all that matters...for the past couple days all i do is argue with myself about eating or not eating..it would be so easy to just say screw it and not eat enough to lose weight and make her happy..and part of me just loathes how easy it is to fall back into that and obssess even more about food and cals and all of that..it sucks big time and i just know she isnt going to drop the subject any time soon...everything about me is wrong