this is one of those have to write nights..my head is all over the place and i cant seem to calm down enough to even try to sleep just yet..i am tired and upset at the same time..im annoyed and disappointed in some of the kids in my group...i think it wouldnt be so bad if they openly were misbehaving but they are being sneaky about it and that i dont like..dont bring up they all these things are going on and then expect us to be mind readers..dont assume we know anything although we know mor than we let on about until it matters..and then if you want to manlipulate and play games i can throw them right back at you...tonight in group it got around to one of the girls having a bad day and pppl annoying her and making it worse..well this is coming from the girl who has been having nothing but bad days since she got here..she is expecting everyone to bend over backwards so she can have her way and that doesnt work here not when it is a group of 6 other kids and they are all wanting things to go there way too..oh no we would get nothing done that way and that is why today i told them that what i say goes and that we didnt run a democratic group , i told them that it was a dictatorship because jim does make it a point and let the group know that when it is the two of us i make the decisions..not exclusivly or anything and we are really far about doing stuff but today it just had to be said..i asked what they wanted to do and the majority wanted to go back and i just said nope i want to do something else so i win this vote..not a huge deal but it made a point i think..but anyway in group she wanted to just pull out all the stops about how everyone is bothering her and she is used to having things her way and all this stuff and at one point i had to get up and walk out because i was getting really annoyed and frustrated..i just went outside to get some air and think a little bit..i wasnt gone long and then came back and rejoined the convo..the group was ready to just tell her flat out what her behaviors were and how she used ppl when she wanted to and then threw them away but we didnt let it turn into a back and forth thing..instead i became the objective one and told her rather nicely exactly what it was she had been doing and how she had been treating ppl..but how much got through i dont know..she sat there and cried and played the group for a long time and i had no more sympathy for her..not tonight..she is using the lowest functioning in our group because he is the only one who does not understand completely what is going on..but that one kid is the one saying he is feeling sorry for this girl and i want to laugh but cant..i told him not to feel sorry for her because she is bringing this on herself..she is blaming everyone else for her problems..she has no idea why she is really here and no matter what we say to her she cant seem to get the big picture...she cant get passed not being able to have her way anymore and so she takes it out on everyone..no it is not fair at all and i dont like it one bit..jim told me i handled it very nicely in keeping my cool while i was talking but it was so frustrating and hard...i wanted to just yell at her to open her eyes and realize what she is doing and she wont do it..i dont believe her when she says she will try harder..she wants the other side of the staff to come back so she can have her way again..she doesnt like me and jim because we are strict and wont let her get away with her little games with us..so she doesnt like us much and i dont really care..i treat her with respect and she continues treating others like crap when it suits her..and after her 'being the most normal one here comment' im not that warm around her i guess..that bothers me a lot..i hate when ppl think they are better than other ppl...i hate when she brags about all the things she has at home and all the places she has been an that she is willing to give up hawaii to get out of here..no one cares..most of the kids here want to be here..they at least are trying to make the best of the situation but she isnt and its really starting to bother me a lot..

there is so much going on at work and i just cant get my head around much of it now..ultimately i think im just really disappointed and on edge with some things..ugh im just going to go to bed and hope i get some sleep