well since ive had this screen open for like most of the day i guess i should actually write something in it...so here goes

i made it in to work today..mostly because i had to but also because it gave me something to do..and so i went to work and it was actually not a bad day..i still hate having to talk to parents and make them comfortable because i suck so much at talking..but i actually really like my group..i like that it is half boys and half girls..i like that im working with jim and melissa..i think it will be fun and maybe somewhere in there i will decide to stay for longer..i dont want to go anywhere but its hard seeing so many ppl unhappy there and im just moving along..i know im not responsible for other ppl but i worry all the same..i wonder if i should look at going somewhere else in aspen but i like talisman..thats where i started and that is where i want to stay..but i dont know..but anyway today at work lifted my spirits..i got to talk to the kids i knew from last semester and meet the new ones..i know some are homesick but they are all excited in there own ways..i keep looking at the schedule and worrying that the semester will just fly by and i wont really know until its over..i worry alot lately..and mostly about the small stuff..like will i have gas money to even make it to work..or like will i make it through another day without driving myself up the wall..but after this weekend im not really so sure..i guess maybe i found another breaking point...maybe its true that ppl can only handle so much in silence before it has to come out someway..but it took some pushing from someone to even really do anything this weekend because i was fine wasting my hours looking at the ceiling and wishing to be anywhere else..but i guess things are getting better again..kinda maybe sorta..feeling sick and majorly worried about a million things..and unfourtuntely i keep talking myself out of making a call i need to make..but i know if i brought it up with bec she would tell me in no uncertain terms to not even think about not doing it..so i have someone to answer to in a way..so ill see how it goes..not toomorrow but the next time im off..on the food front..im working very hard not to go to extremes but im trying hard to eat healthier to get mommy to leave me alone..if it means giving up everything then ill have to deal with that later..not really veggies but more fruit and not as much junk food...since i stopped eating meat once again that curbed my fast food runs..so however it ends someone will win and im pretty sure it wont be me..but not thinking about that right now..trying to stay ok and slightly sane..i watched akeelah and the bee and liked it alot ..it was a good movie and one i would really like anyway..it was fun wondering where they found some of those words to spell because it sounded like they were just stringing together a bunch of random letters and hoping it turned into a word! but liked it still..oh and ive been thinking of things to ask for for my birthday

1 a pony
2 a penguin


for some reason i dont think that will be going over to well but its fun to think about it and wonder how much fun it would be to wake up and find out i have a pony! for more realistic stuff..im trying to figure something out..im guessing ill just ask mommy for money and ill buy what i want..ill be at work anyway ..im thinking just new books and cds maybe..theres a new beth hart cd out that i really want..maybe movies..but nothing big..mommy already said i was geting a new raincoat from her but she also said she wants me to get it off line..so basicially im buying it for myself anyway..maybe ill ask for a tent..i dont liek sharing with the kids! oh well ill have to look around i guess..maybe ill be able to talk myself into going out for dinner..no idea where i would go or if i would even make it anywhere alone but ill think about it next week.. but oh well guess im done rambling