whatever

I am not feeling well at all right this minute. Ive been sneezing all day but yesterday I was feeling a little stuffy and out of sorts. It took until I started sneezing today to wonder if it was allergies or if I am indeed catching a cold. The air conditioning is probably to low and not helping the situation, but at least I am actually wearing pants today and a longer shirt. Still I am cold and fuzzy headed and bored. Very bored and not wanting to do anything at all. So cleaning is being put off and laundry also. This happens of course after I get $10 in change so I can do laundry and now I dont want to. It not a big deal and I can just keep the change and use it next week when I am off for a long time and do any left over laundry. I can do some at work also when I go tomorrow since I will be there until sunday. Last night though I actually managed to clean up the kitchen before completely falling asleep in front of the tv. It was like drop dead tired, I kept trying to wake up since I was watching tv and talking with someone but I finally had to give up and just call it a night. I didnt do anything yesterday and I have no idea why I was suddenly so tired. Im tired now but I was up before 8am also so that might explain it. I am waiting for some movies to get here, got Netflix again since it was free for a month and then I will have to decide if I want to keep it but for now I will enjoy the free movies. I have really missed netflix, I saw a lot of movies that way and kept myself entertained when I had tons of time alone. Maybe it will help with keeping me busy.

Feeling a bit dejected, and alone. Talked with mommy this morning and of course my birthday came up and she mentioned there may not be money to get me anything. Sure I dont expect gifts or anything and all I asked for was money but it still sucks to have it just said like that. Sure she might have just been saying it so I wont expect anything but it hurts all the same. More so because I know when it was anyone else's birthday she manages to find money to get them gifts. Maybe I am to old to expect gifts from anyone and it would be easier if I did just make it another regular day. But for one day I just want to have a little bit of attention if nothing else. I keep wanting to throw a tantrum just to be noticed and I know I wont but I keep yelling and screaming in my head. Im dreading my birthday and thinking about it just gives me a headache. It is probably better that I will be stuck at work. hmm a lot of things have been disappointing lately.

I am considering going to visit bec though, it is very uncool that she happens to be 9 plus hours away. I am not sure I can afford it but she is okay with me coming so maybe I will be able to save and go another time. If I stay at Talisman I know I will continue to have fairly long breaks every other month in four month increments. It will be something to look forward to if nothing else and eventually either I will go there or she will come here. It is easier for me to get there anyway since I drive if some want to call it that :). Kind of planning, kind of just thinking about it. I dont know how much gas is or anything in that area so it will take a lot of planning. It would be fun to go though, and that would be a trip Ive never taken before because it will literally just be me on my own accord going to visit someone, a trip I have to plan and save for and then actually drive it. Im more worried about getting lost or dying of boredom on about hour 4! I did find out that if I leave from camp it would take off about 30 - 45mins on the drive. If I do make the final decision to go it would have to be in Nov when I am off for a bunch of days, before Thanksgiving. Im still going over the pros and cons of going vs not going. There is no rush, but I get antsy being stuck at home with nothing to do for so long.

The last time I was at home the kids I babysit were quite insistent on giving my there ps2 and kingdom of hearts for my birthday. I told the younger one more than once that he couldnt give it to me and he is dead set on it. The older one also wants to give it to me and its no secret that they got the kingdom of hearts game for my benefit only :). I played it, and explained it to them but I did most of the playing on that game. Then they got a ps3 for christmas and the younger one got the ps2 as a hand me down but he is not into videogames at all and never plays it. No one plays it anymore and I just see it and want it but its not right to want it right? I have never asked for theres, I keepp telling them I am going to save up and buy one but I am waiting for the prices to go down a lot more. Mommy said that they wanted to send it to me but they had to ask their mom first. I think it is funny that they are so insistent on me having it but I am still a bit uncomfortable taking it from them, gift or no gift. Yes in the end I would keep it because then at least I know I would play it and the system would be used but it is still a bit weird but kinda nice too. They remember my birthday is coming up and want to get me something.

Headache is coming back so I think Im going to just take a nap or find something boring on tv that will put me to sleep