its at weird times like today when i have no idea what is going on with me...im completely calmer than i have been for the past week and all it took was a 45min talk with my teacher..well her talking and me listening but shes learned quickly not to let me get away with not talking...shes knows i can and just kinda stop myself from doing it...she picked up on the yes thing too...not to mention she has a pretty good memory to remember what i told her from the first time i talked to her...so i went to talk to her and i asked her about therapy and if it works and she advised i stick with it...new doc or not...im not sure i will but ill keep it in mind...right now im still holding out for staying with aaron but if that doesnt work out..i think ill take a bbit of time off from therapy...find out if ill be able to go and everything...but ill wait and at least make an effort to talk to aaran about it more next time...i think shes worried..i did get a bit quieter in the last session but i had a lot of info to process and everything and i didnt want to talk about it yet...still dont but its done nothing but bother me...i never thought aaran would leave...me yea but not her...what i wouldnt give to be able to talk but i cant..more like i wont..ill be stuck in therapy forever trying to get over that one...so weird needing to be validated from other people cas im not doing it for myself..maybe i just dont know how or havent mastered not hating myself yet...i dont know...
i got new paint today...4 new colors and some small canavs's//since the big ones really scare me a bit lol..not like paper can jump at me or something but having to fill up that much space is scary. so i got small ones to start and see how it goes...ill have to try not to ruin them since these are not reg painting paper. not feeling great though...headache and all that good stuff...worried about going home with all the new cuts and what not...still trying to figure out a way to hide them successfully ...
No comments:
Post a Comment