Saturday, April 23, 2005

everythings ending

wow the semester ends on monday...this year has gone by so so fast...this semester has been so hard..well not really class wise but everything else wise...i have a family paper to do that i really dont want to do but i ahve to...i told my teacher that i didnt want to do it when i had to talk to her but i dont want specail treatment either...i can do the work it just takes more to get it done...but ive actually started it and i have 14 pages so far..i think it sucks and i havent organized it good but im trying...i even did the genogram and ecomap decently...i have a bunch of journals to finish for my other teacher and a take home test and then im done with that class too...and i have to figure out when my last of work will be so i can tell david...i have to figure out when im going home and when i have to be back but ill base that around when my next appt with arran will be once i see her on thursday...i know ill have to go home in july but i dont know for how long...im hoping to work on campus so i dont have to go home but i know ill have to take like a week off in july to go home because laura is coming back to see me :) and because i really do have to work as much i can because i dont have fin aid anymore and i dont konw how im gonna pay for the next year and a half of school..that really has me worried right now...and i know my mom said she would figure something out to make sure i got the money on time but that is really asking for a lot of money and my sisters school has to be paid to and now i really hate that i screwed up so bad my first couple years...but i cant do anything about that right now...ill just have to see what happens and how much my school will be for the fall and go from there....it sucks ive gotten behind in everything lately...i ha ve to clean and do laundry today and homework too...but ill clean my room first cas its just annoying me now...oh i said i would fill out some questionaire thing for a girl from another school and its about s/i and abuse and i looked at the questions and they surprised the heck out of me...not to mention made me really nervous...so ill have to do those today too...

havent purged again ... cutting is same old same old...im getting the hang of being vegetarian again...i found fake corn dogs are soooooo good :) and i like making italin potatos and those are really good to..and french fries are my fav food but im working on not eating those so much...i made a cake the other day with fake eggs and it was pretty good...im making chili today i think...havent decided...i might just do corn dogs again...talked to my mom yesterday and got the no carb talk again...and then went and got french fries for the hell of it....i hate being me..i really do..so i have to go back to counting cals correctly...lately i just guess and avg and even then most days im not getting to far above 1200 if i even make it that high...i have no idea what else im supposed to be giving up...the only thing i seriosuly eat is bread cas i just really like bread...and my mom must think im like her and nia and eat pasta every chance i get when i dont...pasta is not a huge favorite of mine and i rarely eat it anymore because i just dont really like it ... ok ill stop now before i ruin my mood again...

oh i got a bunch of new paint the other day it was really cool i got them on sale online and it was a pretty good buy but all the same shipping and handling can be expensive lol...got a couple new cheap movies..nothing to interesting i guess

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