i am feeling scattered..samll..not myself..i want to do small things..watching cartoons..coloring..for some reason i am not feeling safe..if i had something to use to cut with i would have..i would have cut last night ..not this morning..this morning i just took to many of the clam down meds..and so im hoping soon that i just wont care about anything and ill just go back to sleep..today is a major hide out day. i dont know why.. maybe cas its fathers day and there is a major emptiness with that...maybe its that im afraid of the judgement i face at church and so i am avoiding it..no church today anyway..ive taken to many meds to make driving an ok thing to do anyway...i really just want to sleep..thats all...sleep and let the day just slip by..and i dont want to think about anything..am i in crisis ?? no im not..im just here..im just not sure who i am or what im doing today...
do you know why its so easy to accidentally overdose? its because i take one pill..maybe two..and then i still just want to sleep and so i go and take one or two more..and on and on and on ...normally i can stop after a bit and the day is just gone...because all i keep thinking is how much i just want to sleep..i dont want to die..i just want to sleep..funny how that goes hand in hand when it comes to accidentally overdosing...i guess i need to explain that no im not going to overdose..im not..
and now im not even sure why i bothered to write this..i dont remember what the point was..or what i wanted to say..i dont know..maybe its best to just go and lay down for a little while .. yeah i think thats best...
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