my past still haunts me

all i need is my birth certificate..that is all..i had a copy of it..i lost the copy i had...no big deal to just order a new one...

well obviously in my world it is a big deal a very very big deal..and i cant seem to get a copy of it..ive order it twice online for it to just be returned....the 1st return i knew about...the 2nd i didnt know about .so i was stupidly waiting for it to show up any day now..but finally i called today..and asked..and learned that both had been rejected pretty much..and i dont know why..i refuse to order a 3rd copy online..which leaves me the option of going to get it in person ... or well going to get it in person..that would be the quickest way..and by quick i mean that will be the most obvious way incase i have to go all over the place to get it...but i just wanted it to be a simple thing..order it online and be done with it..but something keeps going wrong ..the information i have isnt right..i dont know who is on my birth certificate..i listed mommy and i listed unknown and both returned..im pretty sure i have the right birthday, name, and social for myself...what other information am i missing?? why cant my stuff be found???  its stuff like this that gets me all worked up and panicking and out of sorts because i dont know what to do..and i know acting now is not a good idea becuase ill do something stupid..but waiting is not really an option either..and i really dont want to take a drive to ny...gosh i dont ..but what am i supposed to do...i asked mommy and she said she would call me back..thanks for the help mother..i really appreciate it...but i am in a majorly pissed off mood right now ..and i cant deal when i am feeling like this because i really am not able to think clearly at all ...and if my thoughts get away from me ..then it is going to take a while for me to get them back under control..and i was just beginning to feel stable..yes i need an increase on my meds before i kill someone...i am angry angry angry right now...and the problem is i have no safe way to get the anger out and so i am just angry and wanting to cry and being upset and just really not sure of what to do...something as simple as getting a darn birth certificate..and i cant even do that... FML