today

 Get busy living, or get busy dying.- Red (shawshank redemption)
Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free. 

i really truly dont know how it is that i have never actually watched The Shawshank Redemption before..i really dont.  ive watched The Green Mile a lot of times and that movie makes me cry every time I watch it.  but this moviie is interesting..it makes me think..and yeah like i need anything else to think about right now..essh..but im watching it and it is a good movie..the message is good you know..but you gotta get through all the hard stuff to see the hope ...

so today has been pretty level..mood wise..there were a few moments of not okayness and major frustration..but somehow i managed to let go of it and move on...or im trying to cas of course now im thinking about the unfairness of it..blah..but now i cant do anything about it right now and it is a work issue and im stuck waiting it out...and for the love of all things good i hope im taken off of this particular case..i really am..ugh..im done with her and her lies and her stupid unfounded anger and her lies and her revenge driven vindictiveness..im just done..i understand that the population that im working with will have its problems and concerns you know..i know there will be accusations and lies and all sorts of things..but with her i feel very hurt and betrayed..like i went out of my way to help her and i cared about her kids..and did what i could to make things easier for her..and this is what she does?!  no..its not ok..her mental stuff is not an excuse..and i refuse to let it be one..and so i am trying to deal with my hurt feelings and take it for what it is..and move on..but i am just so darn hurt and i dont understand the need to hurt another person out of anger..maybe its because its happened to me so much before in my life..that i am hurt as a result of other ppls anger..and its not okay at all. i dont like being attacked..i dont like being pointed at or cursed at..ive had enough of that..i dont want it to keep happening..i dont want to set myself up to be in a position to be hurt like that again..i cant..and so im trying to trust my supervisor..and follow her lead..thats all i can do right now..

im feeling tired tonight..im thinking its the new meds..who knows..maybe im just tired..but i have some notes to do..

tomorrow is a scary day..i have to talk to linda...really talk to her about a few things..and i have to stay on track and not get side tracked..i need to ask her about what im doing..where im going..and what she means about not being able to help me maybe..i dont know what ill learn..or what ill be able to acknowledge..but i have to try..i have to talk