well things have gotten off to a rocky start this year..and i was feeling incredibly hurt and scared by one of my clients actions and things she said about me..she was hurtful and mean i didnt like it at all..especially when it was my job on the line. i was feeling very anxious and scared and panicked about it all. but i have since talked to my supervisor about it..and she told me some information, and pointed out some ways i can improve and things. and so i am trying to take in her information and learn from this situation. and as much as i wanted to be pulled off the case, i wasnt. im not comfortable with this particular client at all, and i dont want to work with her. but for now i have to it seems. and so im just working on learning from what has happened..and becoming a stronger person and counselor because of it. my supervisor did point out that these are the situations where growing takes place and that sometimes things need to happen so that i have the chance to learn and grow and improve..i would prefer a little less of the growing opportunities you know.. really i would..but i cant help but see that she is prolly right ..and that i have grown..my fear and anxiety forced me to think and rethink my own actions and my own thoughts and things relating to this client and all of my clients actually..and i have some growing to do..you know..no im not perfect..and im trying to do my best with working and assisting and supporting my clients. and with the mentally ill it is not an easy task. but as long as i am doing my job and doing a good job then things will be okay. so challenges are good..im sure that the next challenge will have me pulling my hair out big time...but it is important for me to keep working and growing and learning..thats what is important..i have to stick to my job, and stick by the work ive done without giving up at the first problem i encounter.. ill have a breakdown within 6 months if i did that...so im just having to remind myself over and over and over that i am doing my job and that i will just need to make sure that i am sticking to the rules, enforcing appropriate boundaries and all of that with my clients..
on the side of therapy and all of that...well i finally got my effexor back on friday...and so i know its going to take a little time for it to build back up..and i think its making me a little more tired today and everything..but its back and im hoping that my anxiety will start to lessen a bit..i truly have been overly anxious lately..the past like month and a half i have just struggled with my own stuff and have been feeling really stressed out and taking on to much..just with the holidays and traveling and not having my medicine correct..and so just a lot of little things combining to make really big things..and my head just was not a good place to be...i wanted to start off this year in a more positive mood..but that didnt happen like i wanted to..so im just working on trying to do things that make me feel happier..and more positive..and that is super hard because a lot of the time im not even sure what makes me feel happy or anything at all..but i am trying...well im trying now that the bone numbing depression is lifting and backing off some..im still feeling pretty sad about christmas and how things played out at home. i am. and again i have to keep telling myself that my life is here and not at home anymore..that i am comfortable here..and so this is where i need to be at. and somehow i have to be ok with that...so therapy is going ok i guess...i still have to ask linda about working with me and everything..but i am calming down..i hope..
the cats are once again itchy mcscratchy..and i need to get them to the vet asap..so by the end of this upcoming week ill know when i can take them..since there is no payment plan at the vet..but yeah just keeping an eye on taji cas she scratches and is getting sores..
dont feel like talking about food..spurlged last night/this morning on pizza..and im not beating myself up about..cas i realize i was feeing incredibly deprived and what not..so pizza it was...but once again planning my meals and all of that..i do need to go to the store though since i have nothing i want to eat here...hence why pizza was so appealing yesterday..
so yeah..gonna fix dinner in a bit..
hmm anything else..well the guy i was talking to a few months ago called me out of the blue today..and we are going to hang out tomorrow..my negative and doubtful head is of course trying to figure out what it is that he see in me or why he called me..etc and so on..i wonder what he wants from me..and that makes me uncomfortable in the worst way..you know having someone in my apartment and all of that...i dont know anything about dating or flirting or any of that..so it baffles me you know..the whole experience..but his mom died last month and so i do want to be a supportive person for him if nothing else.
so yeah..i guess that is life for now..
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