im thinking about old things today and it is making me feel sad..making me wondering about things and why things had to happen and all of that.
im wondering why it is that i havent learned some of the social stuff that i should have learned..i feel stupid for not knowing things..and i feel like not knowing is just going to lead me into trouble..i feel like i have missed out on so many things and now trying to learn it all is overwhelming me..hence my nervousness about today and having a guy at my apartment..i know im supposed to be meeting new people and getting out more and stuff.but im scared you know..this is me being way out of my comfort zone ... big time out of it..and im not sure what to make of it..i dont know what to expect or what will happen you know..its just spending time with someone..and i keep telling myself that i am an adult and that i will not allow anything to happen that makes me uncomfortable..and that i can handle myself..but still i am very afraid..i cant help but wonder what he wants from me..why he wants to spend time with me..i dont know what i want from him and fear makes me feel to stupid to even try to figure it out...its just different..very very different..im an adult you know..or so im told..and i just feel like i should know some of this stuff..about like dating and being around other people..being around guys..but the thought of socializing makes me feel tired..i dont know what to do or say. and i feel uncomfortable even more because i dont know what to do or say..im just rambling today..
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