empty..i keep trying to figure out something to write, anything at all..and i cant get words for any of my thoughts..im really hoping i will be going to therapy today..and at the same time i dont want to go either..i remind myself that its ok to be in therapy and its ok to need help and its not the end of the world..the fear about it still creeps up on me at times..and then i still want it anyway..my head confuses me ..
trouble connecting to anything right now ..look at all of my stuff and wonder if its mine or why i bought it..i dont like any of it..
going to see nia and rob tonight im told..or i was told last night..mommy mentioned it to me last night to let me know i was going..and i asked her why..i still have no interest in going but it looks like i am..i dont want to go or be social or do anything..i want to stay home
i couldnt throw the razors away..tried..and couldnt get myself to let them go..how completely messed up is that one..
im still upset with my cl that i saw yesterday..it took every ounce of control i had to stop myself from just yelling at her..and im sorry but she just went way to far with her personal hygiene issues and its just gross and nasty now and i told her so..and she is going to get sick if she keeps it up..and shes just not getting it..and im not there to tell her every day to go and shower or change her underwear or any of that stuff..i only get to see her twice..and im sorry but at 22 she should be quite capable of making sure she is being clean when it comes to her period and what not..and she isnt and its just all around frustrating..
and i guess i should start trying to get myself together enough to make it to work..may leave early..i dont know..would think i need to ground myself a bit but i dont know how
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