made it through the appt today. really didnt think i was going to go at all..until i actually made myself get out of the car and go inside and then i knew i would go through with it..talked to the nurse first and then to the other lady that my t had talked to..and i managed to answer all her questions..there were some i didnt want to answer and it took me a little while to get words out..but in the end i managed i think..worked very hard to not drift away..because then i wouldnt have been able to answer so well..didnt look at her or the nurse though :bag was way way to scared to do that and manage to keep talking at the same time..but managed and it didnt kill me although i was pretty positive that it would..and now im so tired..drained really..the stress of keeping myself together and being worried about going to see the lady today..and all the other weekly worries really threw me off this week..i have an appt to see the actual pdoc but its not until the 22nd..so i guess i have time to prepare a bit more..
having major space and no touching issues..and i really think it is because i am wanting a lot a lot and the only way to deal with it is to make sure there is absolutely no touching or anything..again back to the wanting comfort from all the scary thoughts/things this week.. its just really hard having to do all of this alone irl..and so i have all this extra stress and fears and general upset going on and cant say anything at all about it.. it is really tiring and wears on me..a lot
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