i want to cut..i have my razors on me..left the house with them..came back home and have yet to put them back..i want them and im not sure ill be talked out of it..but im sure linda will try..

because of all the car stuff going on i have to put therapy and the pdooc appointments on hold for a couple weeks..i cant afford the car and am really worried about what im going to do for work when i take back the rental this week..i cant keep the rental later than wed really..i could try for friday but that would leave me with absolutely no money at all and i dont get paid again until the end of next week..and next week i have to do the driving sschool which is a lot of money and cant be avoided at all..im behind again on everything and i did try so hard to make sure i would be able to catch up..but i cant..just cant make any of it work..and im afraid to lose the support of t right now but i dont have a choice..

i want to give up..quit trying to do anything at all..slightly suicidal right now..but i know i have to leave soon so all my thoughts are just centering on how stupid i am..unimportant, invisible, etc etc...pretty bad thoughts all morning..and it doesnt seem to be letting up at all..im tired of this..all of it..tired of things not working out..and i dont want to deal with anything else anymore..if i cant get to work ill lose my job and my job is not one where i can just be dropped off..so it will just be one more thing to add to the list of failures right now..