stupid really stupid

really anxious right now..on edge..read something i wthought i would be ok and im not..was ok while reading it but then i wrote a response and it all came back and it is still really upsetting..i mean it was about suicide and friends and what not..and i thhought i had gotten over when a friend tried and i was supposed to be helping and she promised she was ok..and that she would call or get in touch if she needed me and she ends up in the hospital for trying and its really upsetting..because i did everything i was supposed to do and it wasnt enough..and it makes me feel horrible and then even worse becasuse im still so mad at her for doing it..she wasnt supposed to do it.she was supposed to be ok..and i failed and i should have tried harder or been more heelpful or listened better or something..god i should have known she would try anyway..it didnt work..but still..it sucks..and i suck and i just i dont know